honestly sometimes in school people say the most ridiculous shit and I make this face and look somewhere at an imaginary camera like I’m on The Office
My school has security cameras in every classroom and I’ve done this at least 3 times each class this entire year. Today the security guard came up to me and told me I was his hero.
when ur eating dinner at your friends house
and their parents start arguing
and you want to ask for the salt
but the salt is right in between their upcoming divorce
“In the 70’s, I used to work out at this Gold’s Gym in California, and one day this wrestling promoter comes in and says: ‘I need a black guy, a Chinese guy, and an Indian—- he said Indian, but he meant Native American.’ I happened to be working out with a black friend and a Chinese friend, so I said: ‘We can do it! I can be an Indian!’ So he agreed, and he moved us into this empty warehouse to live. Then he gave us $600 per week to do a bunch of coke and beat the shit out of each other before Roller Girls events.”
whenever my dad makes pancakes he always makes a tiny baby one for our dog
do u ever just want to punch the world in the face
But it’s not about race, right America?
Lets not ignore the gender element as well
why ride a rollercoaster when you can ride me
Because rollercoasters can actually make me scream.
Do you. bite your thumb. at us, sir? I do bite. my thumb, sir. DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT US, SIR? Is the law of our side, if I say ay? No. NO, SIR, I DO NOT BITE MY THUMB AT YOU, SIR, BUT I BITE MY THUMB, SIR. DO YOU QUARREL, SIR? QUARREL SIR! NO, SIR.
Why does this have so many notes.
Do you know who William Shakespeare is
lets have phone sex over walkie talkies
"I’ll make you moan, over"
"bend what? over"